You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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