Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
