We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When are your genitals available?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
