This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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