she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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