Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
