I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
