the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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