I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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