and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
