ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
