just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
