we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
