Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
