Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
