Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
