we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
