Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
