would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
