I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
