If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
