Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
