i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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