so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
