I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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