And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize