I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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