One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
