I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
