You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
