im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
