Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
