You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
