u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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