It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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