My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize