Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
