I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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