that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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