I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
