I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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