I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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