True but thats because hes a fetus.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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