Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
