I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
