why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize