We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
