in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
