I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize