Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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