you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
