escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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