he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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