There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
