Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize