wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize