Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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