id be glad to
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
