its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
