Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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