I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
