she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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