I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
