I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
