I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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