Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
