i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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