I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
