Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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