I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
