I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
