it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
