Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
